For many families, school holidays are a time of relaxation and fun. But for neurodivergent parents with neurodivergent children, this period can be overwhelmingly difficult. Without the familiar structure of the school week, routines collapse, sensory overload increases, and self-regulation becomes more challenging. Parent guilt, rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), and dysregulation can create a cycle of stress where the needs of both the child and the parent trigger each other, making it even harder to cope.

Understanding why this time is so difficult can help us approach it with more self-compassion and practical strategies for self-care. Here, we explore why the school holidays are uniquely challenging and offer personalised ways parents—whether neurodivergent or neurotypical—can care for themselves while supporting their neurodivergent child.

Why Are School Holidays So Hard?

1. Loss of Routine and Structure

Routine is a lifeline for many neurodivergent individuals. It provides predictability and reduces anxiety. When school is in session, the day has a set structure: wake up, breakfast, school, home, dinner, bedtime. During the holidays, this structure disappears, leading to uncertainty, dysregulation, and difficulty transitioning between activities.

2. Increased Sensory Overload

Schools (while challenging in their own right) provide a controlled environment with sensory supports in place. At home, there might be loud siblings, chaotic family outings, unexpected noises, or unfamiliar holiday activities that heighten sensory overload. Without the ability to regulate in a predictable way, children may become more prone to meltdowns.

3. Parent and Child Dysregulation Trigger Each Other

When a neurodivergent child struggles, a neurodivergent parent often struggles too. If both are dysregulated, they may feed off each other’s stress, leading to increased frustration, sensory shutdowns, or emotional outbursts. Even a neurotypical parent can find themselves overwhelmed by the intensity of their child’s emotions and needs.

4. Parent Guilt and RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria)

Neurodivergent parents often feel intense guilt about not being able to provide the ‘perfect’ holiday experience. RSD amplifies this guilt, making parents feel like failures when they need a break, when their child struggles, or when they can’t match the expectations of others. The constant internal battle of wanting to be ‘good enough’ while battling exhaustion is a significant burden.

5. The Pressure of Bonding When Your Child is Struggling

Social media is full of parents and children bonding over crafts, baking, and holiday outings. But when your child is constantly melting down, refusing to engage, or demanding a level of control that leaves you emotionally depleted, bonding can feel impossible. This adds another layer of guilt, reinforcing the feeling that you’re not doing ‘enough.’

Self-Care Strategies for Neurodivergent (and Neurotypical) Parents

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential for co-regulation. When you’re regulated, you can respond more calmly, prevent burnout, and create a more manageable home environment. Here are some self-care strategies that are both practical and guilt-free:

1. Give Yourself Permission to Take Shortcuts – some practical tips

You don’t have to do it all. There is no shame in making things easier for yourself:

● Hire a cleaner if you can afford it. A clean house without the stress of doing it yourself can be a game-changer.

● Use microwave meals or takeout when cooking feels impossible. Your family being fed is more important than making everything from scratch.

● Screen time is a tool, not an enemy—it’s okay to use it when you need a moment of peace.

● Pick your battles—not everything needs to be a fight. If your child wants to wear the same outfit for three days, let them. If they want to eat their sandwich in pieces instead of whole, does it really matter?

● Have a ‘landing pad’, create a space by the front door in the holidays where everything you need at the last minute is within reach to make that ‘getting out the door’ scramble easier – such as hat, suncream, shoes, coats, water bottles and so on.

● Use holiday clubs and friends for a break – even if you are not working – to enjoy a day to yourself and reset to prevent burnout.

2. Implement a Loose Routine

While strict schedules may not work, having a predictable rhythm to the day can help everyone stay regulated:

● Morning check-in: Go over the plan for the day, even if it’s just “we’re staying home.”

● Mealtimes at consistent times.

● A loose bedtime routine (even if it’s just a wind-down activity).

● Create ‘transition rituals’ between activities (e.g., a special song before going outside or a sensory-friendly fidget before bed).

3. Get Out of the House (But in a Low-Stress Way)

Being stuck inside can increase cabin fever and dysregulation. Try:

● Going for a short walk, even if it’s just around the block.

● Driving somewhere calming (e.g., a quiet park or countryside road trip where they don’t have to get out).

● Visiting familiar places—avoid the stress of unfamiliar environments and know exactly how you and your child will cope with that environment before going out.

● Wearing noise-canceling headphones or bringing comfort items to make outings more manageable.

● Plan ahead to avoid unpredictable situations

4. Use Novelty for ADHD Minds

ADHD thrives on novelty, so variety is key:

● Rotate toys and activities rather than giving access to everything at once.

● Introduce new games—something as simple as a new puzzle book can capture interest.

● Start an activity yourself (word searches, painting) to spark their curiosity.

● Let them take the lead in imaginative play—if they want to style your hair or build a ‘lava floor’ obstacle course, go with it.

5. Accept That Bonding Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect

If your child is struggling, forcing bonding time may backfire. Instead:

● Find small moments to connect—sitting beside them, doing a puzzle together, watching their favorite show.

● Let them engage in their own way—sometimes just being in the same room is enough. Let them come to you with no pressure.

● Don’t pressure yourself to ‘enjoy’ every moment—it’s okay to feel frustrated or exhausted. This is important – you do not have to enjoy every second of time with your child, where comments such as ‘this time is so precious, they grow up so fast’, when all you want in that moment is for them to have grown up. These are normal feelings and do not beat yourself up about it.

Additional Survival Tips for the School Holidays

1. Managing Multiple Needs at Once

When you have more than one neurodivergent child, or you’re a neurodivergent parent yourself, competing needs can feel overwhelming. Here’s some tips on how to manage:

● Divide and Conquer – If you have a partner or support system, divide responsibilities so one child gets one-on-one time while the other has a structured activity.

● Use Timers – Set timers for turns with a toy, activity, or parent time to reduce sibling arguments.

● Create Individual Safe Spaces – Ensure each child (and yourself) has a place to retreat when overwhelmed, especially when there are other children in the house.

● Plan Parallel Activities – Have each child do a similar activity at their own level (e.g., coloring for one, painting for another).

2. Plan “Reset Days”

.Instead of pushing through every day at full speed, build in reset days where:

● You stay in pajamas all day if needed.

● The house isn’t expected to be tidy.

● Screen time is unlimited if it keeps everyone calm.

● Simple, no-pressure meals (sandwiches, cereal, fruit) are perfectly acceptable

3. Make Transitions Easier

Shifting from one activity to another can be a huge stressor. Try:

● Giving visual or verbal countdowns (“5 more minutes, then we go outside”). Allow your child to have some choice in this. Collaboration always works better than a direct demand.

● Using transition objects (a fidget toy when moving from one task to another).

● Creating “closing rituals” (end screen time with a short stretch or favorite song).

4. Use Sensory Breaks

Sensory overload can make small issues spiral. Prevent meltdowns with:

● Weighted blankets or compression clothing to help regulate overstimulation.

● Outdoor movement breaks (jumping, running, swinging).

● Water play (baths, showers, water beads) as a calming activity.

● Trampolines or hammocks/swings are useful if you have room in the garden

5. Lower the Bar and Celebrate Small Wins

Instead of striving for the ‘perfect’ school holiday:

● Focus on manageable goals (e.g., one outing a week rather than daily plans).

● Accept that good enough is enough—it’s okay if plans change or things don’t go smoothly.

● Celebrate small victories, like managing a meltdown calmly or getting through the day without exhaustion tipping into burnout.

The Importance of Self-Care for Co-Regulation

When you take care of yourself, you set the tone for the household. Co-regulation means your calm presence helps your child regulate their emotions. If you are burned out, dysregulated, and emotionally drained, your child will feel that energy and mirror it back.

By giving yourself grace, setting realistic expectations, and prioritizing self-care, you reduce burnout, improve communication, and create a more harmonious environment. Remember:

● You are not a bad parent for struggling.

● You are not a failure if your child has meltdowns.

● You do not have to do it all alone.

● You deserve rest, too.

Final Thoughts

School holidays can be tough, but you are not alone. By implementing small, sustainable strategies, embracing self-compassion, and prioritizing self-care, you can navigate this period with more resilience. It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to need help. And it’s okay to choose survival over perfection.

Above all, remember: you are doing the best you can, and that is enough.

If you want to know more, or need to reach out please contact me using the contact page on the website.

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**Disclaimer:**

*The information and coaching services provided on this website are for educational and support purposes only and are not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any medical or mental health condition, including neurodivergent conditions such as ADHD or autism. Coaching is not a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or psychiatric care. Always consult a licensed healthcare or mental health provider for diagnosis or treatment of any condition. By using this website, you acknowledge and accept full responsibility for your health and well-being.*

Surviving the School Holidays as a Neurodivergent Parent with Neurodivergent Kids